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Man Markets New Fuel: Assoline

assmanNot sure how true this is…. But if it is then bring it on! Sigh.. who knew the farts would be so pricey.. maybe ya’ll should think about bottling and send them to him.. hmmmm

Courtesy of

They call him “Methane Man,” but he doesn’t care if he’s the butt of jokes — he’s laughing all the way to the biofuel bank…

EL SEGUNDO, Calif. — They call him “Methane Man,” but he doesn’t care if he’s the butt of jokes — he’s laughing all the way to the biofuel bank.
 Lex Towns, a chemical engineer, spent 20 years working on finding new energy sources for Mobil until he was laid off and forced to take a job at a local Taco Bell in order to pay the bills. It was that career twist which enabled Towns to make his fortuitous discovery: assoline.

“I’m still working out the smell problem.”
    – Lex Towns, a chemical engineer

After eating burritos repeatedly at work all week, Towns noticed while driving home one Friday that he had an awful lot of gas. He accidentally let one go while lighting a cigarette, and nearly exploded his car. It turns out that his body is particularly conducive to production of an unusually volatile gas, and his body acts as an organic internal combustion engine. 
 “Sure, I’m still working out the smell problem,” says the excited Towns, “so until I solve it, it’s probably best not to drive too close behind me.”
 But like other biofuels, Towns’ device turns a natural, organic substance into a viable, gaseous alternative fuel source. Some major energy companies see potential in his pay-per-dodoo? technology, and are now making him some pretty sweet offers to boost production reserves.
 With the world’s oil supply dwindling, and gas prices and ocean levels rising, there’s a desperate need to utilize a new class of alternative fuel assphyxiants as an inexpensive, plentiful and safe source of biofuel and it appears tha Towns is the answer.

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